Celebrity Deathmatch:Anime style!!!
by MorgothBauglir
Summary: The DEFINITIVE series of anime deathmatch fics.Its organized like the TV show Celebrity deathmatch,with Goku and Vegeta as Nick and Johnny. READ IT RIGHT NOW MAN! Brand new chapters up so REVIEW BY THUNDER!
1. The pilot episode itself by god!

Deathmatch:Anime style!

  
  
  
  
  
  


The screen comes on and we see Goku and Vegeta sitting in the announcers booth.

Goku picks up his microphone and starts talking.

"Hello ladies and gentleman,and welcome to Anime deathmatch.Im Goku son....."

"And im Vegeta"

"And tonight we're bringing you three huge fights involving your favorite nonexistent celebrities. The first fight is between Piccolo and Garlic Jr for the title of..........Baddest ass Namek ever!"

"Our second bout is between Master Roshi and Relena peacecraft" 

"Apparently Master Roshi has made one too many jokes about her name and she's out for revenge"

"And our Main event is between two of the most famous anime teams ever,The Sailor scouts VS. The Gundam wing pilots"

"We go now to ring where the first fight is about to begin"

The death match ring is surrounded by a huge stadium,probably large enough to fit 100,000 people.In the center of the ring is Mills Lane and in opposite corners are Garlic Jr and Piccilo.Mills motions for the two to come to the center of the ring.

"Ok fellas,I want a good clean fight,and try to keep collateral damage to a minimum.Now lets get it on!"

The two combatants run out of their corners and start punching each other rapidly.

Garlic Jr unexpectedly grows to his full size and knocks Piccolo to the other side of the ring.Looking sort of looney Garlic Jr grabs hold of the semi-conscious Piccolo and bites off his arm.Piccilo leaps up and runs around the ring in pain.Garlic Jr smiles.He readies himself and charges at Piccolo again.As he is about to hit Piccilo,His opponent manages to regenerate the bitten off arm and punch forward with the fist.Piccilos attack hits Garlic Jr right in the face.Piccilo grabs with his hand Garlic Jrs skull and pulls his opponents whole Skeleton out through his mouth.Garlic Jrs body,lacking in a skeleton,falls on the floor like a pile of Jello,and he Dies.

Mills lane comes forward and raises Piccilos arm.

"Piccolo is the winner!"

The screen goes back to Goku and Vegeta in the announcers booth.Goku looks Amazed.

"Wow that was a pretty cool fight"

"Yes it really came down to Piccilos Intelligence and mastery of the Regeneration technique."

"We go now to ringside for an interview of Piccolo with our Correspondent Kiyone!"

Kiyone walks up to Piccolo and sticks out the mike for him to talk into.

"That was Quite a Fight Piccilo,Everyone in the audience was very impressed"

Piccolo comes as close to smiling as is possible for Him.

"Thank you"

"So who do you think will win in the fight between The sailor scouts and the Gundam pilots?"

Piccolo gives an evil grin.

"I think they both are a bunch of pretty little wussies and I hope they all rot in the fires of blackest HFIL!"

Kiyone puts on a fake grin.

"Blackest HFIL! Back to you guys"

Goku gives another fake grin.

"Thanks Kiyone,Now the second fight of the night is about to begin!What caused this unusual match up Vegeta?"

"Well Goku the radio show that Master Roshi runs,............Whats its name?"

"Its called "Open mike perversion with Roshi"Vegeta,and one of Roshis biggest source of jokes is Princess Relena and her name.Apparently she has abandoned the total pacifism of her old ideology to challenge Master Roshi to this match."

"We go back to the ring"

In the ring Relena is in one corner and Roshi is in the other.Mills motions for them to come to the center of the ring.

"Ok I want a good clean fight,and no pacifism cause its against the rules.Now lets get it on!"

Relena wastes no time and bolts straight for Roshi.He moves to dodge but she kicks him in the groin.He falls over in pain.Relena shouts at him.

"Im gonna simonize your head you old pervert!"

With that she grabs him form behind and hangs onto his neck trying to strangle him.

"I want you to take back all the mean thinks you said about me and my Kingdom!"

Roshi struggles and trys to get away.

"Let me go,now or you'll be sorry"

Relena gives an angry grin.

"Not a chance!"

Roshi smiles.

"Ok then!"

Roshi Farts with huge velocity and blows Relena off his back and out of the ring.She breaks the ropes and lands in the crowd.She leaps up and charges back into the ring and starts beating Roshi senseless.Goku Grimaces

"Oh my God! Master Roshi cant take that kind of punishment for too much longer!"

"But that doesn't seem to be stopping the thousands of Rabid Roshi fans all around the arena,Their cheering him on,giving him strength!...."

Goku looks back at the ring

"Unfortunately hes still getting his ass kicked"

Roshis fans shout in the stands.

"Hes not gonna make it,hes losing"

Just then we notice Krillin standing in the crowd among Roshis supporters.He stands up with a megaphone.

"We can help Roshi win everyone!"

The crowd looks puzzled.

"How?"

Krillin grins.

"Will all the ladies in the arena please remove their clothes! Master Roshis life depends upon it!"

Within 30 seconds all Roshis female supporters have stripped off all their clothes and are shouting encouragement to Roshi.Presented with a complete overload of his Nasal arteries from the thousands of naked women within view,Master Roshis nose launches a veritable Tsunami of blood at Relena.She is drowned in the attack along with most of the people at ringside.Mills,covered in blood like everyone else,lifts up the arm of the Semi-conscious Roshi,who is still lying in the center of the ring.

"The winner is Mr.Roshi!"

Kiyone is Flabergasted.

"What an amazing show of support from Roshis loyal fans,Back to you guys.................Umm Vegeta,Goku are you there?"

Vegeta and goku are sitting with dopey looks on their faces.Vegeta speaks first.

"That is the Best finish to a fight ever!Lets see that again!"

The screen shows a replay of all the naked women.Vegeta gets all dopey again.

"Lets see that again!"

The replay shows again

"Lets see that again!"

It shows again

"Lets see that again!"

It shows again

"Lets see that again!"

It shows again and Kiyone says talks.

"But now we have to go to ringside for the next fight,Right?"

Vegeta looks unconvinced.

"Well I guess we have the tape of this,Right?I mean..."

Goku cuts in.

"So without further ado We go to ringside for the MAIN EVENT!"

In the red corner are the Sailor scouts Mercury,Venus,Mars and Jupiter aswell as their leader Sailor moon.In the Blue corner are the Gundam pilots Heero Yuy,Duo Maxwell,Trowa Barton,Wu Fei,and Quatre Winner.Mills motions them to the center of the ring.

"Ok I want a good clean fight.No stupid robots and no funny transformations allowed.Now lets get it on!"

The two groups all strike fighting posses.Sailor moon grabs her scepter and shouts to her group.

"Ok sailors,lets takedown these tin jockeys!"

They all say

"Right!"

In unison as always.

The Gundam boys all react differently.Wufei shouts something about the imorality of the weak fighting and charges straight for his opponents.He launches a flying kick and gets Mercury square in the gut.Heero says

"Im going to kill you"

then pulls out his gun and shoots once at Sailormoon taking off one of her meatball hair segments.Trowa shouts at him

"What are you waiting for you moron?Shoot her!"

Heero looks totally suprised.

"But im out of bullets! I never found out This gun only has a one bullet clip because I never fired it more then once in an episode."

Sailor jupiter doesnt give him a chance to recover,whacking him upside the head with her fist.Quatre runs around impotently and keeps shouting

"Cmon guys we've got to join forces!"

The whole fight stops for a second and everyone says

"STOP WHINNING FOR ONCE QUATRE!"

Then the fight goes on.Wufei gets ganged up on by Mars and Venus and they kick him repeatedly in the face.Trowa flies forward Jupiter and Hits her in the stomach with a kick that breaks her in half at the waist.Both halves falls on the mat and she gets annoyed.

"HEY,That really hurt!"

Mars and Venus work together and pull off Wufeis arms,but before they can do any further damage Duo and Quatre knock them to the other side of the ring.Both groups sort of form up in the opposite sorners ready to launch an all out assault.Without warning the ring vanishes in a rain of metal.Goku looks astonished.

"What the hell happened out there? OH my god this is so terrible,all those poor kids crushed under heaps of Jagged metal! Vegeta did you see what happened?"

Vegeta is still watching the tape of the Roshi matches conclusion on his monitor.

"Lets see that again! Lets see that again! Lets see that again! Lets see that again! Lets se...."

The screen cuts from the booth and we have Kiyone at ringside.

"Goku,the cameraman has a replay of what happened.Apparently the lighting rig fell!"

In the background we see Mills crawl out of the ring and stand up,with a number of metal objects sticking in him.Goku is shocked.

"How could it just fall like that,it doesnt make any sense!.............Wait,I think I see some movement up there! Get a camera on the cat walk,quickly!"

The camera zooms in on the cat walk and we see someone.Its Piccilo and hes still in the Machanppouo stance from the attack that dropped the Rig onto the ring.He sees the camera and Grins,then He flies down to ringside,next to Kiyone.She acts a little shocked but holds out the microphone for him to talk into.

"So Piccilo,Youve taken out the Sailor scouts and the Gundam pilots,what are you gonna do now?"

Piccilo Laughs aloud.

"IM GOING TO DISNEY WORLD!"

Kiyone falls over anime style and the camera is back on Goku.

"Well its been 3 great battles in a row,hopefully we'll get a second episode now.For Vegeta,Im Goku-Son,Saying good fight,good night!"

  
  


Play deathmatch music and credits.

"Hi this Goku-san,and Next episode we will have some more great fights for you,starting with Ryoki VS Luna the cat.Then its Zechs VS Traieze.Then it's the battle for cutest little girl between Sasami and Rini In the main event!"

  
  



	2. Chapter 2 MORE NUDITY not really, sad to...

Celebrity deathmatch:Anime style!

(Episode 2)

  
  


The camera comes on and we see Goku and Vegeta sitting behind the comentary desk.

"Hello and welcome to Celebrity deatmatch! Im Goku-son...."

"And im Vegeta.."

"And tonight we have three great fights between your favorite anime stars! First up is a battle for title of "Best anime pet" ,with Ryoki VS Luna the cat"

"The second battle is Zechs Marquis VS Traieze Kush Rinada."

"These two opposed each other in the final battles of Gundam wing,but didnt battle in person.Theyre out to change that tonight."

"The main event is a battle for the title of "Cutest Anime little girl"with Sasami VS Rini!"

"But now we go to the ring for our first match"

Mills lane,standing in the center of the ring,motions for the combatants to come to the center of the ring.

"Ok,I want a good clean fight.Now lets get it on!"

Luna strikes first with her only weapon.

"Quick Sailor moon,use the Moon scepter! Sailor moon? Oh yes thats right you died last episode.............What am I supposed to do now?"

Ryoki goes

"Meow!!!"

And turns into Her space ship form.She uses her Lasers and blows Luna into a million pieces.Vegeta is suprised.

"That was pretty short"

Goku nods

"Well it was only a filler fight,no one could possibly have found that fight interesting...."

The transmission is cut for 2 minutes (Technical difficulties) while Goku gets told off by the Network represenative.The screen come back on.Goku has a huge fake grin on his face.

"Well I don't know what could top that,but now we have our second fight.Would you explain the unique stipulations for this match to the audience?"

Vegeta gets annoyed and smoke starts coming out of his ears.

"Grrrr...............Well in this fight the combatants are fighting from their Mobile suits rather then hand to hand,probably because of their pretty boy strength levels."

"The ring has been moved out of the center of the Arena to provide room for the mechs to maneuver."

"Traieze is piloting the Tall geese III........"

A schematic comes up showing the mech and its stats.

"It weighs 67 tons,can attain speeds in excess of 3000 miles per hour within the atmosphere,able to stop from that full speed in less then 10 seconds,and armed with 2 banks of High speed rotary cannons,A Class 7 Particle Projection Cannon,and a Fusion powerd Plasma sword."

Goku is all bug eyed.

"The Epion weighs 59 tons,and can attain speeds of up to 4000 mph within the atmosphere,and is able to stop from that top speed within 8 seconds.But because of its greater speed it carries fewer weapons.The "Whip", as its called,is fully autonamous and Razor edged device that superheats and destroys any enemy it comes in contact with.It also is provided with the obligitory Fusion powered plasma sword.The most intrguing aspect of this machine is its abitily to show the user his future."

Goku is stuned.

"Um,Vegeta,how the hell did you learn so much about the Gundams?"

Vegeta looks non-pulsed.

"Well I was reading a technical magazine my wife had left lying around and I thought that I could buy one of these instead of a car."

"The DMV is gonna want your head if you try to buy one of those,I mean,where would you put the license plate?.................."

Kiyone is heard just of camera,barely audible 

"Shut up and go to the fight,the networks gonna kill you two!"

Goku looks Embarassed,rubs the back of his head.

"And now heres the fight!"

The camera goes to the center of the now Cleared part of the arena.Mills lane is standing in the center between the two Gigantic titans of destruction.Mills motions both pilots to the center of the ring.

"Ok I want a good clean fight,and neither of you is allowed to leave the Arena in those things or you lose,got it?"

Both pilots nod.

"Ok,To your machines,Lets get it on!"

His bit finished,Mills runs like hell out of the battle area.

Both pilots climb in and start their machines.Traeize and Zechs make their mechs bow to each other then the fight begins.Traieze draws the Particle cannon and starts firing at Zechs.His opponent is to fast,zooming all over the Arena,avoiding Traiezes shots.Zechs turns his Gundam towards Traieze and hurtles downward,sword drawn.His opponent powers up the shoulder cannons and aims for Zechs,hitting him numerous times.Unconcerned,Zechs Fires the Epions engines full burn,hitting his oponent with his Gundams shoulder and driving both Gundams into the Arena floor.Traieze punches outward with His particle Cannon,Throwing Zechs to the other side of the arena,but breaking the cannon in the process.Both Gundams stand up and Draw their swords.They duel,Star wars light saber style,back and forth across the arena floor.Traieze Stops the sword fighting by kicking the Epion in the stomach,which knocks it across the arena again.As Traieze charges across the Arena at full speed,ready to skewer Epion where it lays,The Zero system in Epion kicks in.Time slows down for him.Zechs sees the future.He sees all the fansites dedicated to him, put up by his strange female fans vanishing,replaced by lots of Traieze fansites.The Tall geese draws near,raising its sword as it runs.Zechs leaves hs dream-state.At the last possible moment,he dodges the Gundam to the side,Traiezes Attack hitting another unlucky group of ringside season ticket holders.

Zechs brings the Epion behind where Traieze is standing.The Tall geese turns and faces Zechs.The Epion brings its sword high above its head and looks more powerful then usual.Zechs shouts.

"YOU'RE THE LAST THING WE NEED IN CYBERSPACE RIGHT NOW!!!!"

And brings the blade Flashing downwards.Traieze moves to block with his own sword,but the Epions sword is too powerful now,shattering the energy of the Tall geese sword,and cutting downward through the Gundam itself.The Tall geese explodes,and Zechs powers down the Epion.He gets out and Mills lane comes out and raises his arm.

"Zechs marquis is the winner!"

The screen goes back to Goku and Vegeta in the announcers booth.Goku smiles like an idiot.

"The main event wil be coming your way as soon as the ring is brought back into the Arena."

10 minutes later the ring is set up.

"Now lets go to the ring for tonights main event!"

The camera changes to a view of the ring. In the center is Mills lane. He motions the little girls to the center of the ring.

"Ok I want a good clean fight,Now lets get it on!"

The two little girls strike fighting poses and start slap fighting.Vegeta is disgusted.

"This is really pathetic,they don't know the first thing about fighting. Arent they supposed to be learning this in school?"

Kiyone looks nervous,and whispers something in Vegteas ear.Vegeta looks indignant.

"Theyre not? What is school for on this planet anyway?"

The slap fighting continues,but it doesnt really accomplish anything. Rini pulls back and gets out the Luna ball.She morphs it into a sword and starts chasing Sasami around the ring.Rini corners Sasami in the corner,and thrusts with the sword like a fencer.Sasami dodges,and the sword sticks in the turnbuckle.While Rini is trying to pull the sword out,Sasami pulls out her frying pan.Sasami shouts

"Eat this!"

And wallops Rini on the head with it.Rini is dazed and gets up,noticing her patented hair-do is mussed.

"Grrr,that does it!"

Rini hops around with swirly colors for a while as she transforms into sailor mini-moon.When shes done she strikes the same pose as always and says

"In the name of the moon,im going to blow you to pieces!"

Rini starts powering up her Little scepter thingy,and aims it at Sasami.

"Now you die!"

Of course the weapon doesnt work right,just like in the show and Sasami isnt hurt.She laughs

"My turn!"

She does her little transformation and becomes Pretty Sammy.She gets out her little sceptery\bow type thing and shoots it hiting Rini in the arm with it.Rini totaly freaks.

"That Does it! That rip-off of my moves is too much! Grrr-errrr-arrrggghhhh!!!!"

Rini starts glowing,morphing into something.Goku realizes what shes turning into.

"Aggggggh,shes turning into Black Lady,We're all gonna die!!!!!!!!!!!"

Rini\Black lady stands up,and admires her new form for a minute.Then she holds her hands over her head.

"Now im gonna kill all of you! Come forth Doom phantom!!"

The ground shakes and the sky turns red.Black lady flies into the sky and floats there. Sasami Morphs into Tsunami and stands up.The audience cowers in their seats. Tsunami raises her hands over her head and looks up.Black lady,confused by Tsunamis actions looks up also.Tsunamis spaceship,the Light Hawk,Smashes trough the Arena roof and hits Black lady Full on.The spaceship keeps hurtling downward and hits in the center of the arena,As Tsunami jumps out of the way.Black Lady is crushed under the weight of the ship,as is a good deal of the Arena.Tsunami morphs back into Sasami.Mills pushes aside the debris which was covering him,stands up and raises Sasamis arm.

"Sasami is the winner!"

Goku and Vegeta are hiding behind the desk,with Kiyone huddled in the corner.The camera man talks.

"Hey youse guys,ya can come out now"

Goku and Vegeta get back in their chairs and Kiyone stands up.Goku,still sweating profusely speaks first.

"Wow,that was some Main event,huh? I don't know about you,but I was on the edge of my seat........ummmm"

Vegeta looks really zonked out.

"I think I soiled myse........"

Goku cuts him off.

"Well that all the time we have for today.For Vegeta im Goku-Son saying,Good fight,Good night!"

  
  


The deathmatch theme plays

  
  


"Hi,this is Son-Goku,and we have a great show for you next time! The first bout is between Dr.Tofu and Dr.Briefs.The second fight is between Priss and Nagi for the title of "Baddest ass Female in anime". The main event is Ronin warriors VS The Ginyu force,for the title of "Most annoying team in Anime"."

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	3. Chapter 3 An unexpected turn of events!

CELEBRITY DEATHMATCH: ANIME STYLE!

  
  


The camera pans upward to the announcement booth. Goku picks up the microphone.

"Hello ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Celebrity deathmatch! Im Goku-son"

Vegeta grabs his microphone

"And Im Vegeta!"

"And tonight we have blockbuster line up of fighters. Starting the night off is Dr.Tofu VS Dr.Briefs.Then its Priss VS Nagi for the title of baddest ass anime chick ever!"

"For once some girls who can actually fight!"

"And to top it all off, we have The Ronin warrior's VS The Ginyu force for the title of dumbest team ever!"

"We go now to the arena for the first fight!"

The camera zooms in on the ring in the center of the huge arena. Mills lane steps into the center between the two combatants.

"Ok gentleman, you're both doctors. But if all goes like it's supposed to, then neither of you will be curable by any doctor. Now lets get it on!"

Tofu and Briefs both strike their fighting poses. Briefs immediately opens his jacket and gets out his pack of cigarettes. Tofu puts his hands on his hips.

"What is the matter with you? You always have a cigarette in your mouth, but this is ridiculous!"

Briefs smiles.

"You haven't seen nothing yet!"

Briefs takes something out of his coat and we see hes wearing military ammunition vest, and every pocket is filled with cigarettes. He pulls out close to a hundred and put the ends to his mouth. He twists his wrist at a strange angle and a huge lighter extends from his sleeve. He pulls the trigger and it lights. One swift pass lights all hundred cigarettes. He inhales, then he runs over to where Tofu is and exhales a dark cloud of smoke. Tofu falls on the ground, hacking and coughing. Briefs takes advantage of the opening and pulls the cigarettes out of his mouth. He dives at Tofu and burns him a hundred fold with the smoking butts. Tofu screams in pain and kicks Briefs away. Briefs is about to charge him again, the he hears his cell phone ringing. He blushes with embarrassment.

"Um....give me a minute will ya?"

Tofu is trying to treat his burns.

"Take your time"

Briefs gets off the phone.

"Well, I've got an appointment for a chest X-ray, do you mind waiting?"

Tofu shakes his head.

"Nope"

Briefs runs out of the ring.

Vegeta shakes his head.

"Just no respect for the fight, it's really pathetic"

  
  
  
  


30 minutes later

  
  


Briefs get back, and climbs into the ring.

"Ok, lets fight again!"

Tofu has a huge crate sitting next to him. He pulls on one side and the whole crate collapses. Inside is a gigantic chunk of Tofu.Briefs starts rolling on the floor laughing.

"What the heck are you going to do with that?"

Tofu grins.

"This"

He presses a button and the ring starts cracking under Briefs.A huge tank of water rises upwards, trapping Briefs inside. Tofu, with great effort, raises the huge slab of tofu and throws it into the giant tub. He then grabs a microphone.

"This is a little known way of cooking Tofu.Usually, some small fish are thrown into a tub of water with some tofu. When the water is heated up, they try to escape the heat inside the tofu. The resulting tofu is quite good. Now we're going to try it with something else!"

After about 10 minutes of horror, Mills lane declares Dr.Tofu the winner. Goku looks disgusted.

"That was one of the most pathetic fights I've seen!"

Vegeta looks even more disgusted.

"Hell, it was even worse then the Ryoki VS Luna the cat fight"

Vegeta is grabbed by network security and dragged to the underground torture chamber for disobedient hosts and newscasters. Vegeta has numerous cuts and bruises on his face. Goku looks at him.

"Looks like you got roughed up."

Vegeta gives him the death glare.

"Shut up"

Goku turns back toward the camera.

"And now our second fight, which hasn't even been decided who will win yet!"

Goku is dragged off to the underground torture chamber, and the camera switches back to the ring. Priss and Nagi are in the center of the ring. Mills motions them to the center.

"Ok, I want a good clean fight. And if I see any ladylike behavior, You're both disqualified!"

The two women square off in the center. Nagi immediately calls out.

"Kenoki, go!"

Kenoki immediately runs out and turns into a spaceship. Priss, not wanting to become the next Luna the cat, runs and jumps into her hard suit. Using the suit's extraordinary maneuverability, she avoids Kenokis blasts. Nearly the whole arena is destroyed in the continuing pursuit. Finally Kenoki gets tired and goes to eat a carrot. Nagi fumes, then gets out her sword. Priss has her battery run out and jumps into the ring. She grabs her microphone and uses the cord like a whip. They fight back and forth. Nagi finally succeeds in stabbing Priss in the arm. Despite the pain, Priss swings her microphone, and the cord wraps around Nagi.In her surprise, Nagi drops her sword. Priss laughs.

"Now you get a taste of my singing talent!"

She takes the plug end and shoves it into Nagis ear. She then grabs the mike and starts singing REALLY loud. Nagis head vibrates then explodes. Mills goes over and raises Priss's hand.

"Priss is the winner!"

Goku comes back from the torture chamber and talks weirdly.

"Anf nowff theff mainevfff!"

Vegeta gets pissed off.

"Damn it Goku get whatever it is out of your mouth"

Goku frowns and spits out his teeth. Vegeta gets pissed at him.

"And you call yourself a Sayain! You make me sick!"

The camera pans down to the arena where the two teams are getting ready. The Ronin warriors put on their armor and strike poses. Captain Ginyu laughs.

"You call THAT a pose?"

He motions to his men. They all strike absurd poses, and generally look like a bunch of 300 pound cheerleaders.

"Ha, ha, that's how its done"

Mills gets pissed and calls out.

"Everyone in the center of the ring, now!"

The fighters obey.

"Ok, I want a good clean fight, now lets get it on!"

Ronin Warriors all ready their magical weapons and charge at the Ginyu force. Ginyu and his men are suddenly getting there asses kicked. Ginyu escapes for a moment.

"Quickly, I must call upon, the ultimate power, the eternal judge of all matters of anime!"

The Ronin warriors act all worried.

"Oh no,hes summoning it!"

Ginyu says some magical chant and a rift in space time appears. An irritating 16-year-old guy appears through the rift. The Ronin warriors wonder for a minute.

"The almighty creator of fanfiction is this guy?"

The boy bows.

"Hello, someone called me?"

Ginyu kneels on the ground.

"Please oh lord of this dimension, save us from the boring action sequences and lazy drudgery of this battle!"

Looking sort of bored, the author shrugs.

"Sure, this battle was pretty boring, otherwise why would this be happening."

Ginyu is confused.

"I don't understand"

The author stands boredly.

"Well since I control everything in this dimension, I made you summon me since nothing interesting was going to happen in this fight anyway......Oh yes the outcome"

The author points his finger in the direction of the Ronin Warriors.

"Curse of Backspace!"

The Ronins are all back spaced into oblivion. They're supporters at ringside cry in anguish. Magically, Ule and Mia float into the ring. The author frowns.

"Always did hate you guys"

The author points at them.

"Curse of the keyboard!"

A giant keyboard appears out of the skies and beats the two irritating twits until they're good and dead. The author picks his nose.

"Well thats about it, have to go write a huge overdone ending to that Evangelion fanfiction. I suggest your fights become more interesting in the future or quite simply your world will come to an end."

The author vanishes. Goku and Vegeta sit in their commentary booth. Goku manages to talk.

"Ladies and gentleman we're out of time, but if you don't watch next week we might all be dead. Watch next time, as we pull out all the stops to provide a show that will save us from the endless oblivion of the recycled bin. For Vegeta, im Johnny Knoxville and im about to go up in flames........."

The network security storms in and starts beating Goku and Vegeta mercilessly with riot clubs.

  
  
  
  


Hey this is Goku! Better watch next episode as we're going to be giving you matches from every which way! Gundam VS. Evangelion, Tenchi muyo VS. Ranma 1/2,and just about every anime character ever fighting each other to save us all from The Authors wrath!


	4. THE FINAL EPISODE ALREADY,REVIEW THE BLA...

Celebrity Deathmatch: Anime Style!

Episode 4,or maybe the final episode!

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Goku and Vegeta sit in the announcer's booth. Goku speaks first.

"Hello folks, Im Son-Goku..."

Vegeta cuts in.

"And Im Vegeta..."

"And tonight we have a great show for you folks! Well, I mean we have to...."

Vegeta brings up a TV screen.

"For those who missed last week's episode, that moron Captain Ginyu summoned the almighty fanfiction writer to save his life. Instead, The Author told us that if we didn't provide a great show tonight, our universe would come to an end!"

Goku pans the screen over to the stadium.

"For this reason, the world of fanfiction anime has gone all out to produce the most kickass deathmatch fic of all time. The old stadium has been replaced by this, an absurdly huge and 800,000 seat stadium, complete with every conceivable amenity possible."

Goku points to the arena floor.

"And now we have our first event of the day, The cast of Pokemon VS. The Pokemon of Pokemon!"

Mills Lane, who obviously has seen "Gladiator" one time too many puts on a ridiculous wig and shouts loudly.

"His Sayain Majesty is proud to present, The human characters of Pokemon with Pikachu and Meowth!"

A huge gate opens on one side of the stadium, admiting Ash, Misty, Brock, Tracy, Professor Oak, Professor Elm, Jessie, James, Meowth, Pikachu and all the extra and throwaway human characters. Everyone looks really worried. Mills points toward a far larger gate and shouts again.

"And now, his imperial majesty has the pleasure to present, The Pokemon of Pokemon!"

The gates swing open and out storms at least 10,000 fully evolved level 100 pokemon. Leading them is an extremely angry looking Mewtwo. Mills shouts again.

"Ok, I want a good clean fight, now lets get it on!"

Mewtwo shouts at the humans opposite them.

"Your rule of irritating boredom over this so-called anime is no more! Your capitalist exploitation of ignorant parents and insane unbalanced eight year olds ends now! My brethren, CHARGE!"

The elite Pokemon charge forward and quickly smash like a storm into the crowd of people. Golems flatten, Charizards incinerate, Zapdos electrocute, Venasaurs poison, Blastoise drown, Pincers crush, Scythers slice, and Machamps rip, massacring the humans. Mewtwos shouts are heard above the fray.

"No one touches the regulars, they belong to me!"

After another 15 minutes of carnage, the only standing humans are restrained by a crowd of angry Machamps. The only survivors are Ash, Misty, Brock, Tracy, Pikachu, Jessie, James, Meowth and Professor Oak (Professor Elm was accidentally ripped apart by two dozen irritated Snorlax). Mewtwo goes over to the prisoners. He paces back and forth, his personal elite body guard of 100 Electrodes standing in a neat row behind him.

"Brock, for crimes against Pokemon and having those damn squinty eyes, electricity shall now be passed through your body until such time as you are dead"

The Electrodes roll out and having charged up, ZAAPPP Brock until hes good and dead. Mewtwo moves along.

"Tracy, I don't think I even need to say anything"

ZAAAAAPPPPPPPP

"James you are such a freaking wuss it makes me sick. And your voice!"

ZZZAAAAAAAAPPPPPP

"Professor Oak, you are responsible for the start of all this madness!"

ZZZAAAAAPPPPPP

"Meowth, your voice is a crime against all living creatures everywhere!"

ZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPP

"Pikachu, you evil quisling turncoat, you are responsible for more crimes then any Pokemon ever!"

Pikachu breaks away from his guards and runs for the arena exit. Mewtwo motions for his guards to stay back.

"I've got him......HYPERBEAM!"

The giant beam of energy shoots through the air, striking Pikachu as he dives for the gate. There's a monstrous explosion and a faint shout of...

"Pika........."

Pikachu disintegrates. Mewtwo turns to Ash.

"As for you, the evilest villain in anime history, your end is thus!"

Mewtwo starts glowing and floating.

"PSYCHIC"

Ash screams in the greatest degree of pain, then his head explodes in a red haze. Mewtwo turns to the two remaining prisoners.

"As for you, you shall be spared, as long as you take this oath, to be ordinary shapely anime vixens from now on, and increase your slutiness quotient by 500%"

Misty and Jessie rush forward and sign the pledge then rush out of the arena to get some over-revealing leather suits. Mewtwo holds his hands up in two Victory symbols.

"I am the new chancellor of the Provisional Communist Republic of Pokemon, and I promise a new era of free wheeling world domination, free of pokeballs!"

The Pokemon soldiers cheer and the entire force wheels and leaves the arena. Vegeta and Goku speak in unison.

"Best damn fight ever!"

Vegeta gets mad at Goku and punches him in the eye. Goku gets mad at Vegeta imitating him and punches him in the eye. Then they realize they need to continue the broadcast to save their lives, and turn back to the cameras. Goku speaks.

"And now we have a three-way bout, Keichi Moristao VS. Tenchi Muyo VS.Ranma Satome!"

Vegeta rubs his hands together and smiles.

"Whoever wins this bout will not get a decent nights sleep for the rest of his life, as he will be winning all the eligible women from his show and his two counterparts shows!"

"The pool of women is as follows...the winner take's Ryoko, Ayeka, Washu, Kiyone, Mihoshi, Nagi, Urd, Belldandy, Shampoo, Ukeki and Akane!"

Vegeta gets mad and tries to leave the booth.

"Im going to fight in this fight! Those little wussies can't satisfy women that good!"

Goku pins him and holds him so he can't get out of the announcer's booth.

"If we don't stay and host the show we all die!"

Vegeta struggles and points at the ring.

"So what! I want a piece of that there high quality As..."

Goku signals for the camera man to cut the audio feed. There is another five seconds of Vegeta making "Suggestive" gestures toward the prize box, then the video feed cuts to the center of the Arena. Keichi, Tenchi and Ranma are arrayed in the center of the huge open arena floor. Tenchi is dressed in full Jurain battle garb, Ranma is wearing his karate Gi and Keichi is simply standing in his ordinary clothes. Ranma looks at Keichi and laughs.

"Ha-Ha, yer gonna get your butt whipped college boy!"

Mills stands in the center of the floor and signals to the three guys.

"Ok, I want a good clean fight, and the man who wins will be getting it on from now on. Now lets get it on!"

Mills runs out of the battle area and Ranma charges toward Keichi.

"This will be a piece of cake, you wussy!"

As Ranmas about to hit him, Keichi pulls a spray bottle from behind his back and sprays Ranma with water. Ranma of course turns into a girl. Mills runs into the ring.

"So you were really a girl all along!"

Ranma looks horrendously mad.

"No, it's the curse of the red-haired girl!"

Mills is not impressed.

"Dis-Qualified!"

Ranma is jumping up and down and protesting. Suddenly Kodanashi jumps out of the crowd and runs toward him.

"Don't worry Ranma, I still love you!"

Ranma runs in terror out of the arena with Kodanashi behind him. As Keichi and Tenchi look at each other, ready to join battle, the voice of "The Ultimate Force" sounds from the sky.

"Ok, this fight is going to be sort of boring so I'll just decide by fiat who will win."

Both combatants stand stock still. For a moment The Ultimate Force thinks.

"Actually, despite all the true love and stuff, Keichi is a real wuss so Tenchi wins"

Tenchi jumps up and down joyously until the gals storm out of the prize box with him carried on their shoulders. The Ultimate Force looks down at Keichi.

"Don't be too sad Keichi, heres your consolation prize!"

Skuld appears out of the sky and lands on Keichis head. She's irrate and starts beating him severely.

"You idiot, you Baka, you filthy loser, because you lost, I have to spend all eternity with your stinking mortal butt!"

Keichi flees with Skuld hot on his heels. Mills steps into the ring.

"By divine judgement, Tenchi Muyo is the winner!"

Tenchi is carried into the center of the ring and an assistant carries a priest's robe out to Mills. The women line up on one side and Tenchi stands on the other side of Mills lane. Mills skims over the vows, reading the important stuff.

"Do you, Tenchi Muyo take these women to be your lawfully wedded wives?"

Tenchi nods.

"I do!"

Mills turns to the other side.

"And do you, Ryoko, Ayeka, Washu, Kiyone, Mihoshi, Nagi, Urd, Belldandy, Shampoo, Ukeki Akane take Tenchi muyo to your lawfully wedded husband?"

The large chorus replies.

"We do!"

Mills shuts the book.

"Now, by the power vested in me by The Satan City Gambling commission, I pronounce you man and wives! Kiss the wives and get the heck out of here!

Tenchi kisses all of his new wives, then they put him on their shoulders and carry him off.

Mills beams for a while then gets back into character.

"Ok, we've got a big fight lined up, clear the arena!

Vegeta leans on his arm.

"Some guys have all the luck"

Goku nudges him.

"Vegeta, if this fight isn't good enough, no one will have any luck, and we'll all be dead!"

Vegeta gets mad and starts trying to kill Goku again, as the camera spins down to the arena. In the center stand numerous gigantic Mecha. Mills, hanging from the catwalk above to avoid getting killed talks into his microphone.

"Fighting for the EVA team is EVA-00 piloted by Rei, EVA-01 piloted by Shinji, EVA-02 piloted by Asuka. In the interest of fair play, no one is allowed use of the AT field in todays bout. Back from the dead by special demand, Fighting for the Gundam team is Zero piloted by Heero, Epion piloted by Zechs, Tall Geese-3 piloted by Trieze, Heavy Arms piloted by Trowa, Sand Rock piloted by Quatre, Shen Long piloted by Wu fei, Death Sycthe piloted by Duo, and about 10,000 garden variety Leos. All this stupid listing is getting me tired, just get it on!"

The garden variety Leos storm forward and fire at the EVAs. EVA-01 sights the Sniper rifle and fires, blasting about 40 Leos into oblivion. Rei holds the Longinus lance in her hands and whirls it in front of EVA-00 like a huge club, smashing anything in its way.

Heero powers up the buster cannon and shoots it straight at EVA-01, just as the sniper rifle fires again. The feedback from the colliding beams explodes both cannons and they are quickly discarded. Asuka tears a path through the useless Leos toward Quatre. She shouts at him.

"Come and fight me, Im more of a man then you are!"

EVA-02 draws its Progressive knives and charges at Quatre. He readies his swords and they duel. Rei continues to dispatch more Leos. Epion, Zero and Tall geese three all rush toward EVA-01. The three Gundams smash into EVA-01, their combined momentum toppling their opponent. Tall Geese 3 is about to drive its sword through EVA-01s chest, when Rei throws the Longinus lance. It curls up as it's thrown then rips Tall Geese 3 apart, crushes another 2 dozen Leos then smashes easily through the stadium wall and into orbit. Shinji draws his progressive knives and stands up. Zero and Epion are too fast however and knock him over. Heavy Arms sprays EVA-00 with gunfire, emptying its magazines, then Shenlong charges forward and sets EVA-00 afire with its dragon arms. EVA-00 falls to the ground, perforated and burning. Quatre is losing his battle against EVA-02, moving continually backwards. Trowa readies the switch blade from under his arm, then stabs EVA-02 deeply in the back. Asuka screams in pain and falls on the ground. Quatre mercilessly smashes her EVA with the swords from its arms. EVA-01 duels as best it can, but the two Gundams are too fast. EVA-01 is sliced extremely badly on its arms, legs and chest. Finally it falls over. Decided that EVA-01 is history, Heero and Trieze move on to demolishing EVA-00, which was still trying to get up. Minutes of smashing horror pass, EVA-00 and EVA-02 being reduced to ripped entrails. Suddenly an amazing and horrible shout of fury and power went up from the other side of the arena. Vegeta looks disgusted.

"This is just a total load of crap, I mean how did they get a sea of blood into the arena?"

Goku motions for Vegeta to be quiet. He whispers.

"When I said they put everything into this arena, I meant everything"

Emerging from a sea of blood, with a perfectly symbolic sunrise behind it is EVA-01. It is totally white, none of the inflicted wounds apparent. In its hands it carries a gigantic sword that is completely silver. It opens its mouth and screams again, causing two huge angelic wings to open. Heero shouts to Mills lane.

"What the F*ck is this Sh*t? It turned into some sort of miracle\final episode type form and we're supposed to fight it? That wasn't even in the series damn it!"

Mills frowns.

"It is a little out of the ordinary......"

Mills cell phone rings. Shinji is on the line.

"Hey Mills, how would you like a night out with Misato?"

Mills smiles.

"I'll allow it!"

Heero screams in indignation.

"You can't be serious!"

Some ironic person in the sound booth turns on the Gundam wing song "Rhythm\Emotion" from the crossfire at barge episode REALLY loud over the PA system. Miraculous, ripped off from another Fanfiction EVA-01\Invincible Warrior Of Life storms forward, looking perfectly arty and philosophical as it smashes through thousands of useless Leos. It reaches Heero first, slashing his mecha cleanly diagonally from shoulder to hip, the two pieces sliding slightly apart before it explodes. With a fluid motion, super ultra miracle EVA-01 slices Heavy Arms and Sand Rock in half, causing them to explode. Shenlong and Deathsycthe spin around rapidly to see their enemy lop both their heads off. Epion stands in the center of the arena. Rushing at blinding speed toward it, EVA-01 stops and raises the sword above its head. The super ultra miracle EVA-01 screams out something, later discovered through the miracle of instant replay to be some variation on.

"You're the last thing we need in outer space right now!"

Then EVA-01 swings downward and rends Epion in half. The EVA-01 sits down on its hands and demands a pay raise for the amazing grace and brilliant irony with which it annihilated its foes. Shinji is expelled from the core of the EVA and a slightly surprised Mills Lane raises his arm.

"The EVA team is the winner! And son, you should probably put some underwear on"

Shinji notices hes standing totally naked in front of close to a million people. He turns several shades of red before finding some shattered sheets of metal to hide behind. Goku smiles.

"Well folks that's about it, and since the author hasn't appeared, I can safely say this was our best episode ever. For Vegeta im Son Goku saying..."

A bright flash blinded the crowd, and a searing white rip appeared in the space time continuum. Through the rift appeared an average sized 16 year-old boy. Goku cowered in fear.

"Oh my god, its him!"

The Author stood in the center of the arena and spoke, though his voice was the same in all areas.

"Well things were slightly better then I expected, but that stupid bickering between Vegeta and Goku distracted from the whole, and that rip off of my very own fic, Neon genesis evangelion: The beginning and the end, was just lame"

The arena shakes in terror.

"Unfortunately, this is where your universe ends"

Vegeta explodes.

"You idiot Kakkarot! Now we're all going to die and it's all your fault!"

Goku shouts back.

"My fault? You're the horny moron who screwed up the whole second fight!"

The announcement booth starts shaking. Vegetas hair starts changing color.

"You are going to finally get it! Before he destroys our world im going to kick your peasant ass!"

Goku glows yellow.

"You little self important twerp! Im going to pull out your tongue and use it to paint my boat!"

The announcer's booth explodes, and the two deadly enemies stand in the center of the arena. The Author yawns deeply and sits down cross-legged to watch the fight. Goku and Vegeta stand across from each other, staring threateningly in the legendary DBZ tradition for close to three days. The Author scratches his butt.

"Ok, I have a better idea. Just skip all this foreplay and lets have an SS4 earth shattering beam battle"

Goku and Vegeta look towards the author. Goku shrugs.

"Fair enough"

The center of the arena shatters and two craters so deep they end in another dimension appear under them. The ordinarily red fur glows golden. Some lifeless loser in the crowd notices and starts a Website dedicated to the SS5 level of evolution. Both fighters glow extremely brightly and power up to a stage where it looks like they were force-fed 300 pounds of horse steroids. The Author yawns and scratches his feet. Vegeta and Goku shout in unison.

  
  


"FINAL FLASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

  
  


"KAMEHAMEHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

  
  


The two beams hit each other in the center of the arena and the air is filled with the sound of lightning. The Author stands up.

"Ok, this is boring, think up a better and more involved names for your attacks, now!"

Goku and Vegeta both look sort of disappointed. They ready their attacks again, and shout in unison.

  
  


"SUPER ULTRA FINAL FLAMING LIGHTNING WORLD ANNIHILATING MEGA FLASH OF DEATH ATTACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

  
  


"ULTIMATE FLAMING LIGHTNING DRAGON PUNCH INVINCIBLE BLADE OF KAMEHAMEHA ATTACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

  
  


The entire arena is blown away, the incomprehensibly powerful, legendary pillars of energy fighting for supremacy. Mills Lane hangs onto a rock outcropping and holds against the thousand mile per hour winds. The beams widen, until they're as wide as the entire solar system. To increase the dramatism, both fighters are drawn in pencil, their features sketchy through the sea of energy. Vegeta watches as the beam of blue energy gets closer and closer to him. He remembers the many fights hes had with Goku, then thinks back to his father. The image flashes before his eyes of Frieza killing him, then to a picture of little Vegeta standing next to the king. The king speaks.

"You must remember Vegeta, you are prince of all sayains, and you will someday become the most powerful being in the universe"

Vegetas beam is inches from his hands. His maniacal eyes light up and he completely loses it.

"ILL NEVER LOSE! NEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Vegetas blast expands at a ludicrous speed, then rips itself through Gokus attack. An explosion so powerful that it doesn't look that big envelops Goku and he dies. Vegeta stands panting.

"Hey I won! I beat Goku, I won!"

Mills lane staggers over to Vegeta and raises his hand.

"Vegeta is the winner!"

The Author claps a bit.

"Quite a nice battle actually, in fact I think I wont destroy your universe for its lack of good fights."

Vegeta jumps up and down for joy. The Author waves his finger.

"Unfortunately, to make this episode interesting, I had to use up every good matchup I could think of, so this universe will now end due to a lack of material"

Some great strides are made in the art of brilliant profanity by Vegeta before The Author picks up a golden keyboard and presses Ctrl+Alt+Delete twice. The world shatters in a rather low rent explosion, and the entire universe disappears through a singularity. The faint cry of

"SSHHHHHH*************TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Is heard as the singularity closes

  
  
  
  


Epilogue

  
  


Vegeta stands around in heaven, surveying the boring terrain. He notices Goku. He runs over and laughs in his face.

"Ha, I finally defeated you!"

Goku smiles at him good naturedly.

"Oh, but you see, whoever has been in heaven the longest is the strongest here"

Vegeta quakes in fear.

"You don't mean...."

Goku shouts in glee.

"That's right, I am stronger then you for all eternity!"

King Yama covers his ears as the shout

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Fills the entire afterlife.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


THE END

  
  
  
  



	5. No we lied and everyones still alive and...

Celebrity Deathmatch Anime Style! : Afterlife Edition episode one

  
  


Vegeta and Goku are sitting in a small announcer's booth above a gigantic arena. Both have little halos over their heads. Goku picks up his microphone and speaks.

"Hello ladies and gentleman and welcome to the new season of Celebrity deathmatch!"

Vegeta speaks into his microphone.

"For those who weren't here for the season finale last time, the author appeared and you know, ended the world"

Goku looks like a happy idiot.

"But we wouldn't let a little thing like being dead stop us from continuing our brilliant show"

Vegeta pulls out the fight card.

"Tonight's first bout is between Piccolo and Zechs Marquis"

"Apparently Milyardo is mad that Piccolo killed all his enemies, even though they were brought back from the dead and killed again"

"The second bout is between Major Misato Katsuragi and Sailor Moon"

"Misato wanted to be Sailor Moon when she was a little girl, and now she'll get the chance to beat her head in!"

"The main event is between Dilandu and every male villain from Sailor Moon for the title of most effeminate villain ever!"

Goku motions to the ring.

"And now welcome our referee and final arbiter in all matters of life......Known as "The ultimate force", Kami, or numerous other names, it's the ruler of everything, God!"

Standing in the ring is a dark dinner suit and walking stick, with a bowler hat floating above where a head should be. Vegeta talks again.

"Unfortunately, we cannot actually see him, because we would be blinded. Now lets get to our first bout!"

Piccolo and Zechs stand opposite each other in the ring. The referee rings a bell that can't be seen and says in a commanding voice...

"Lets get it on!"

Zechs looks confused for a second.

"Wait a minute, im not allowed to use my Gundam?"

The Referees' hat moves from side to side.

"So what am I supposed to do now??!?!?!?!"

As Zechs is talking, Piccolo charges up a Machankopouopo and fires it a Zechs. It blows off the top of his head. Zechs moves his hands a bit.

"What happened to my helmet? And where's that breeze coming from........EEEEEEHAHA"

Zechs collapses on the ground and his brain falls out. He dies.

Piccolo does his half grin\sneer thing and laughs. Looking upwards he sees something massive on the lighting rig above. Gundam Zero is standing with all the Gundam pilots crammed into the cockpit. Heero shouts out to Piccolo.

"Now Piccolo, your gonna get a taste of your own meddling! Quatre, Fire the buster cannon!"

Quatre moves the Gundam around and aims the Cannon at Piccolo. Piccolo speaks.

"Oh...Crap"

As Quatre's finger tightens on the firing stud, Duo speaks.

"Um...Quatre.....Isn't the rifle backwards?"

The Cannon fires, blowing the disintegrated atoms that used to be the Gundam pilots through the arena roof, along with the upper half of the unit Zero. The halved robot falls into the ring, the Buster rifle still in the now motionless hand. Piccolo grabs the Gundam by its foot and throws it up into the air. Picking up the rifle, he fires it at the flying gundam, blowing it into a million pieces. The Referee moves Piccolos hand above his head with unknown forces and speaks.

"Piccolo is the winner!"

Vegeta speaks into his microphone.

"What a fight, and the Gundam pilots killed for the third time. Do you think they'll stay dead this time Goku?"

Goku shakes his head.

"Not likely, it's just too much fun to kill them. And now we return to the ring for our second fight!"

In the ring we see Sailor moon strike a bunch of poses and point in Misatos direction.

"And furthermore, in the name of the moon, im going to..."

Usagi doesn't finish the sentence as Misato pulls out her gun. She speaks.

"Shut up already!"

BAM 

Sailormoon falls dead on the floor with a single bullet hole in her head. The audience is speechless. Misatos hand magically rises above her head and the referee shouts out loud.

"Misato is the winner"

Goku and Vegeta are having a hurried argument, and don't notice that the camera is back on them. Goku speaks.

"The Villains from the end of the Doom Phantom onward still haven't finished doing their hair and manicure, they refuse to fight until they're ready."

Vegeta says various Sayain profanities then speaks again.

"So what the hell are we supposed to show for the next hour while they get ready?"

Goku thinks some then looks under Vegetas desk. There are a number of videos with very hackneyed Evangelion cover art. Gokus eyes light up.

"Bingo!"

Vegeta gets mad and starts trying to take the tapes back.

"No, that's my personal collector's edition boxed set of "Too hot for Evangelion" and "Best of NERVs changing room security videos", you can't have it!"

Goku wrests the videos away from Vegeta and speaks.

"And now, in celebration of the fact that no Evangelion character has yet lost a match, we will be showing you some great Evangelion related videos"

The video screen flickered to life. Various Evangelion characters in the crowd try to sneak away. Shinji looks at the screen with wide eyes.

"So that's why they take so long in the changing room!"

And the Lemon writers had field day. Misato had fled within five minutes, her screen time easily exceeding anyone else. Eventually the Main event was ready, and the videos came to an end. Vegeta and Goku slowly left their stupor like state, aided by much prodding. Goku speaks.

"And now the main event, as if anyone cares. Someone else can say bye at the end of the show cause Im watching this on my monitor here."

As Goku and Vegeta start watching the Videos on their monitors again, the camera pans down to the ring. Standing on one side of the arena is Dilandu in his giant Guymelef. On the opposite side are 21 of the most irritating and effeminate Sailor moon villains ever. The Referee shouts above the rioting crowd.

"Lets get it on"

Immediately, Dilandu fires out 20 liquid metal blades, impaling all but one of the Sailor moon villains. The blades quickly rip them into bit sized bits. The lone surviving Villain is the guy with Blue balloon clothes whom they turned into a girl for the American version. Dilandu moves to stomp on him with his foot, but he never drops the foot. The rioting crowd breaks through the barriers and starts swarming over the Guymelef like Piranhas. Screams go up from the crowd.

"Kill Dilandu, he stopped the Eva Videos!"

The Guymelef fights back, but is utterly helpless. The Rabid crowd tears the guymelef apart and Dilandu also. Various angry hooligans throw various limbs formerly belonging to Dilandu into the air and cheer. The irritating balloon guy looks at the referee.

"I won, what do I get?"

The Referee motions to his assistant Mills lane. He speaks.

"Mills, show him what hes won!"

Mills pulls out a magnum.

"The prize for the most effeminate villain ever is death!"

The irritating balloon guy is riddled with bullets and falls on the ground dead. Vegeta looks up for a second from the Video screen for a second.

"Well that's the end, Im not sure if we're going to have a show next week. It all depends or something. For Goku, Im Vegeta saying......To hell with it"

He starts watching the video again. The afterlife is in turmoil as riot spreads far and wide. Gendou sat quietly behind his desk at the admissions office of hell, watching the whole scene on TV. After sitting quietly for the whole show, he speaks to himself more then to the drooling fiends huddled around the TV set with him.

"I always told Akagi that the tank full of Reis would be put to good use by someone"

  
  


Hey this is Goku, and you don't want to miss the next episode. It will involve various bloody fights where people you don't like getting beaten and killed! DON'T MISS IT!


	6. Yes something really interesting happens...

Kristo Kommie Productions presents

  
  


Celebrity Deathmatch Anime Style! : Afterlife edition, Episode 2

  
  


(Everyone has halos, since everybodys dead)

  
  


The camera pans down to the announcing booth where we see Goku and Vegeta sitting. Vegeta picks up his microphone and starts to talk.

"Hello fight fans, and boy do we have some fights for you today!"

Goku cuts in.

"Our first fight is between Emperor Dornkirk and Lord Tulpa for the title of most useless villain of all time!"

Vegeta speaks again.

"Our second fight is between Mamorou and Yajirobee for the title of most good guy character in their respective shows"

Goku speaks again.

"And our final bout is one that has been long awaited since the beginning of this season! It's the match you've all been waiting for, EVERYONE VS Captain Ginyu!"

Vegeta rubs his hands together.

"Putting revenge on the back burner for a moment, lets go to the ring for our first fight!"

In the center of the ring is Mills Lane with the oversized human-like form of Lord Tulpa standing opposite the massive life support wheel chair thing that Dornkirk is sitting in. Mills motions the two huge combatants to the center. Mills speaks.

"Ok gentlemen, you both know the rules. I want a tough clean fight. Now lets get it on!"

Lord Tulpa pulls out some swords and fires a rather lamely animated attack at Dornkirk. Dornkirk is not phased. 

"I will win this fight, I saw so on my destiny prognostication machine!"

Tulpa is unimpressed.

"Im supposed to believe you, foolish old man? Where is this machine?"

Dornkirk attempts to smile with his few atrophied muscles.

"Allow me to show it to you...."

The whole giant globe and telescope, which has been rather conspicuously hanging from the arena roof is released, causing its entire mass to fall on Tulpa killing him. Dornkirk jumps out of his life support mountain\cart and hobbles over to Mills. Mills raises his hand in the air. 

"Emperor Dornkirk is the winner!"

Emperor Dornkirk dances a jig to celebrate, but the strain is too great and he falls onto the floor with a heart attack. His countless minions grab him and storm out of the arena to bring him back to life again. Goku speaks.

"Wow, what a fight!"

Vegeta stretches as he speaks.

"Yep that one was so exciting I almost stayed awake"

Goku smacks him in the head.

"You can't say crap like that on the air!"

Vegeta frowns.

"Nobodies watching anyway, our show has a rating of 0.3"

Goku shrugs.

"Well, as if anyone cares, heres the second fight, which was substituted for an interesting fight that will take place in a later episode as the main event. We go now to the ring, la la la la, the regular bull I always say"

In the center of the ring, stand Yajirobee and Mamorou. Mills stands in between the two combatants and gives them the rules, then speaks for the crowd.

"Ok, lets get it on!"

Mamorou immediately turns himself into Tuxedo mask and wields a flower. Yajirobee simply howls and holds his stomach.

"Aggh, I haven't eaten in three days, but it will be worth it!"

Mamorou notices too late the hungry look in the fat freak's eyes.

"No, I taste bad, don't, DON'T!"

Yajirobee chases Mamouru around the ring until he catches him and bites off his left arm. Mamoru howls in pain as the insane Yajirobee shakes the arm like a dog with a bone. Mamorou sells his hat to a crazed fan girl at ring side and uses the money to buy 100 hot dogs and 70 cokes from the vendors nearby. Eventually Yajirobee finishes eating Mamorous former arm and charges forward. Mamorou throws the pile of hot dogs and soda at the feet of Yajirobee. Yajirobee sits down and starts eating. He continues eating for two hours, unconcerned by the numerous horrible injuries inflicted on him Mamorou. Finally, a practically dead Yajirobee stands up finally finished eating. With no strength or mind left, he swings his Katana and cuts of Mamorous head. He then promptly falls over dead himself. Mills speaks.

"Yajirobee lost second!"

Goku puts his head in his hands.

"That fight sucked....I mean it just sucked!"

Vegeta shouts aloud in happiness.

"But now we have the fight you've all been waiting for! We go now to the great white void, which was the only venue large enough to hold all the combatants."

The camera switches to an unimaginable expanse of white, covered with EVERY anime character EVER. In the center is a small circle of uninhabited void, in the center of which is a very distraught looking Captain Ginyu. He begs for mercy.

"Im very sorry that everybodys dead and everything, but how can you justify destroying such a style sense as mine?"

The vast and uncontrollable mob wavers and screams angrily. A massive golden bell is rung and Mills, standing on top of it announces through a giant bullhorn.

"Lets get it on!"

At that the mass of dead sweeps forward. Captain Ginyu flies upwards, closely pursued by all flying characters. He shouts above the din.

"Now more then ever, I need your help, come forth almighty author of fanfictions!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

A shout of ire goes up from the world and boy is it scary. Flying above Ginyu in wait, the air ship of Alan Shalizar drops Escaflowne out of its bay. The Mecha plummets downwards in its humanoid form faster and faster, head straight down with sword point before it. Van shouts at Captain Ginyu as he is about to hit him.

"It ends now your coward. IT ENDS NOW!"

The sword point hits Captain Ginyu in the center of his forehead. Time stands still as the skull cracks and explodes, followed by the rest of the body. Captain Ginyu is no more.

Too late.

The Grand Referee from the first episode of the new season disappears in a flash and his invisibleness is replaced by the body of an irritating 16 year old boy. Everyone stops and stares in horror. The Author\ God of the afterlife, appears and tips his bowler cap.

"Good evening chaps. What a frightful fool that Ginyu is, always causing trouble and disturbing reality. Oh well, not much for it eh, hes already dead anyway"

Goku and Vegeta stare speechless with fear at their maker. Kiyone, the Deathmatch interviewer, walks over to the Author. She speaks.

"Would you mind greatly telling us why we're all here and what our purpose is?"

The Author nods. 

"No not at all. You're all here because my attempts to find an attractive girl to take up my time with vigorous physical activity has been unsuccessful thus far. Your purpose is to provide the deaths of anime characters I dislike, or provide a spectacularly overblown battle. But Im wandering from the point of my visit."

The world quakes in fear.

"On a snap decision I will return everyone to life. You will provide better shows, consisting of more brutality, more alcohol, more nudity and more innuendo. These standards are to be met on pain of ....BAD THINGS... That is all"

Everyone is suddenly back alive again, in the old stadium in the living world. Goku and Vegeta are sitting stunned back at their old seats. Goku picks up the microphone and speaks.

"Well ladies and gentleman, we're all back, we're all alive, and next week where out to change that for some unfortunate losers. For Prince Vegeta, Im Jay Leno saying Good night everybod..."

The Network security goons, who are contracted outside the normal movement of space time, storm in and start brutally beating the two announcers with baseball bats.

  
  


End Transmission

  
  


Hey this is Goku....REVIEW AND WATCH NEXT WEEK....NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW.. Ow my throat..You get the idea...


End file.
